Sunday, April 01, 2012

Union Pacific to lower carbon footprint

In an effort to further reduce its already excellent carbon footprint, the Union Pacific has announced plans for reducing the use of diesel fuel and will instead utilize a new fleet of 37 General Electric super-efficient wood burning steam locomotives with the latest reduced temperature Carnot cycle heat engine technology. One hundred forty-two million acres of western land will be planted with drought resistant desert conifers to supply fuel for the growing fleet of new engines. Subsidies and tax credits in the 2013 Obama budget to encourage the introduction of renewable energy forests that made this innovative project possible will result in substantial removal of carbon dioxide from the atmosphere during accelerated three year growth spurts prior to clearcut harvesting for use by the railroad. The new clean GE engines do not need high heat to burn their fuel, with the carbon being recaptured by third generation fuel cells supplied by Solyndra to power the more energy efficient low pressure engines that drive multiple smaller vacuum turbines with low temperature steam.

To accommodate the new "green" locomotive engines, UP management has announced the scheduled reopening of the summit tunnel, but because of the difficult terrain in the Sierras, Chinese workers that were laid off after the railroad was first completed will need to be rehired to restore the track and bring the related infrastructure up to current standards. According to an unnamed source not authorized to speak with the press, Foxcon Corporation has been selected as the general contractor. Workers will be lowered in baskets into the summit tunnel using the existing vertical shaft to provide the most efficient access to the central portion of that lengthy tunnel blasted through solid rock.

To promote green energy railroading and the 150 Anniversary of the Union Pacific Railroad, the new locomotives will be on tour across the country for the next four months in more than 250 cities. CLICK HERE TO ARRANGE A PERSONAL TOUR AND A RIDE ON ONE OF THE NEW LOCOMOTIVES AT A LOCATION NEAR YOU. Depending on location, former Vice President Al Gore and his staff or U.S. Department of Energy, Office of Transportation Efficiency, personnel will be on hand to answer all your questions.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy April fool's day!

4/01/2012 2:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In related news, scientists have discovered that computer models are not reality, so the global warming scare is actually another April fools joke that should have been retracted on April 2nd, but was instead accidentally included in a United Nations report.

4/01/2012 2:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"NYTimes will Supply its Staff Photographers with Lomography’s Holga Cameras"

4/01/2012 1:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A short historic BBC news video.

4/01/2012 1:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Also see related discussion.

4/01/2012 1:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

P.S. Unfortunately, the horrific No pressure video to promote green energy was actually created by serious environmentalists and intended as a real commercial to advertise their cause and is definitely not a joke or spoof.

4/02/2012 1:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"D800 to Cause Nikon’s Stock Price to Drop?"

4/18/2012 12:27 AM  

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